“WHERE is your home?” the consular officer asked me.
I was 13 years old. My parents and I had left Iran eight years earlier,
at the onset of the 1979 revolution. Since then, they had bought a house
and a business — a small roadside motel in California. I had gone to
school and learned to speak English. Then, on a summer trip to visit my
mother’s Iranian relatives in Germany, I made the mistake of calling
America my home.
The trouble started when my mother handed me the visa forms. My father
had stayed behind to run the motel, and even though my mother had
learned enough English to get by, at moments like this, when it was just
the two of us, I was still the translator and all-purpose intermediary
between “us” and “them.” I took the clipboard and began filling in the
papers. My parents and I were in the United States legally, but since
we’d traveled outside the country, my mother’s business visa would need
to be renewed. It was standard procedure — we wouldn’t have encountered
any difficulties if, under the line asking where our home was, I hadn’t
written “America.”
“Are you sure about that?” the officer asked me, her pen pointed at my
adolescent cursive. When I nodded, she retreated to a back room. A few
minutes later, she returned to inform us that our applications had been
denied. We would not be able to return to America, because we had
expressed an intention to stay in the country permanently.
Looking back, the certainty of my response astonishes me. The Iranian
revolution and the vagaries of immigration law had dispersed my
relatives all over the world. By the time I faced that consular officer,
I had cousins in Wisconsin, Stockholm, Istanbul and all points in
between. During our time in Germany, my mother stayed up long into the
night, reminiscing with my aunts and uncles about Iran and speculating
about the country’s future — and the possibility of returning there
someday.
But by that time, I had spent several years distancing myself from the
country then known as “Eyeran.” I had seen enough footage of the hostage
crisis. I had been called a “smelly A-rab” at school, watched my mother
get stared down in grocery shops on account of her accent and witnessed
the sharp looks my veiled grandmother drew in the streets. I had
quickly learned not to be Iranian in ways that showed. I plucked my
eyebrows, bleached my hair with Sun-In and hitched up my skirts. My
accent was pure Valley girl, heavy on the “likes.” By summer’s end, I
was desperate to get back to California. A visa was the only thing
standing between me and the only country I cared to claim.



















